Baby News.

Sorry to disappoint, but there isn't any really.

I had a doctor appointment today, where I had my very first pelvic exam. Yipee! Right?

Wrong. After said exam, the doctor says, "Nope, nothing. Not even a little bit".  Meaning my cervix has not budged even a bit! Not dilated, at all. Talk about disappointment. 

It was kind of like when I finally figured out there is no Santa Claus. Sad, sinking, reality.

So, my doctor tells me, "Because of what your cervix is doing now (NOTHING), the chance of you having this baby by your due date or sooner is about 2%. But, most first-timers are about 5 days late."

.........That last sentence has made me come to the conclusion that doctors are liars, and like to make pregnant women unhappy.

Think about it. When you go in for your very first appointment, what do they do? They tell you your due date. "You, Mrs. Stefanie are due October 18th." As a pregnant lady, you will engrave this date permanently into your brain until it can be seen peeking through the skin on your forehead. Seriously. It becomes your focal point.

On the days that you have relentless heartburn you think...Only (x) amount of days until October 18th...I can make it. And you put on your game face.

On the days you feel like your body may explode if someone even breaths on you, because your so swollen from the blasted July heat, you think...Only (x) amount of days...We're almost there. I CAN DO IT!

Then there are those days when you almost pee all over yourself because that little baby is squeezing your bladder mercilessly, like a two-year old squeezing a new baby kitten, you think, DAMMIT! I only have until October 18th! I WILL NOT PEE MY PANTS!!! I CAN DO IT!!!!

Then, when you are about a week and half away from "The Light at the End of the Tunnel" (i.e. October 18th) the doctor gives you precious little insights that I think they mean to be comforting, such as "MOST FIRST TIMERS ARE ABOUT 5 DAYS LATE!"

I guess I shouldn't say doctors are liars. DUE DATES ARE A LIE! How many babies actually come on their due dates? Why not just keep my "due date" a secret, and tell me I'm really due five days later than I am. So if the baby really does come "on time", it will be like an awesome surprise, and I'll just think she came early!

Just trick me. OK?

I want this baby to come now. Especially because three months ago the doctor said, "You may want to start asking around in your family who has the Big Baby Genes." Then every appointment after that, "This is a really good sized kid, ya know." 

Comforting right? Not only am I probably going to be having this baby after my Lie-Filled Due Date, but she's already abnormally big.

I don't want to have a twelve pound baby!

I'm anxious, can you tell?

*Sniff* I'm just going to go over to Hyperbole and a Half, and laugh myself into an oblivion.